it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
