you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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