I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
