We're facebook friends in real life
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
