I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
