I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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