So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
