I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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