Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
