How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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