The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
They took my balls.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
