shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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