Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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