He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
