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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?

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• (949): View more from California

  it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes

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• (909): View more from California

  We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin

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• (438): View more from Quebec

  I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.

  (1-438): View more from Quebec

  God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.

  (438): View more from Quebec

  Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  It was "against protocol"

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in

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• (806): View more from Texas

  I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.

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