so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
