Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
