I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
