I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
