Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
