There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
