I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
