I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
