You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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