He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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