i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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