I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
