wakey wakey hands off snakey
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize