I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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