Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
