how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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