I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize