i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
