I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
