You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
