Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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