I wish my penis had an off switch
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
