She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
