evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
