You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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