Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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