im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
