I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
