Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
