we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
