The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
