I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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