Hippo gnu deer
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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