you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
