You're a womanizer and a bitch.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
