Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize