im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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