And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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