Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
