So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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