I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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