Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
