The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
