I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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