You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
