No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
