do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
