he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
