ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize