Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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