I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
