we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
