and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
