they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
not ubering you a puppy
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize