Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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