You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
