dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
